Book & Barn Track Two - Holding the Line

You said yes...for the first time or again.

Six Sundays in the circle, for the woman who is everyone’s safe place and is quietly running out of room.

You said yes to the meeting. You said yes to hosting. You said yes to the favor and the phone call and the thing you did not have time for, and you said it in the voice that makes it sound easy.

You are so good at this that nobody has any idea. That is the part that is starting to wear on you.

Here is what nobody tells you about being the reliable one. Every yes you did not mean is a small withdrawal, and you have been making them for years without ever adding up the account. The tiredness is not weakness and it is not a scheduling problem. It is a bill.

What the six weeks are

The Wild Grace Book and Barn Series is an experiential book club held at Sunflower Ranch. Twelve women, six horses, eighteen in the circle.

We read one book together, specific chapters at a time, and each week we carry what is on the page out to the herd. The book gives you the language. The women give you support. The horse gives you the practice.

You can read a book about boundaries on your couch and change nothing. That is the trouble with boundaries. Knowing where yours are and holding one out loud, in front of somebody, are two different skills, and only one of them is hard.

That is what the horses are for. A horse will not take a hint. She will not read your face and adjust to spare your feelings. She responds to what you actually communicate, not to what you meant. You will find out quickly whether you can hold a line, because a thousand-pound animal is a more honest mirror than the people in your life have been.

You do not need any horse experience. All of the work is done on the ground. You do not need to read a word before you arrive, the readings are paced week by week, and nobody reads ahead.

The horses have something to say

Nobody is made to work here, and that includes the horses.

The horses are not tools and they are not props. They are participants. If a horse walks away from you, she is allowed to, and she has just told you something you could not have learned any other way. There is a lesson in that for a woman working on boundaries, and I will let you find it yourself.

How it unfolds

• Week one is arrival. You meet the herd, you meet up to eleven other women, and you leave with your first reading assignment. No book, no pressure, just the circle and the horses and the start of something.
• Weeks two through six, you come having read that week’s chapters, we talk them through in the circle, and then we take them out to the horses. Each week builds on the one before it. Some of it will be uncomfortable. The chapter on what the missing boundaries have cost you, and the one that reaches further back than you expect, are not easy Sundays. Nobody does those alone here.

During the week you can find your assignments and support in the online Round Pen.

The book

We are reading Set Boundaries, Find Peace, by Nedra Glover Tawwab. It is the most direct and least sentimental book on boundaries I have found, and I mean that as praise. Your copy is included in your registration and will be available on day one. You do not need to start it before we begin. In fact, please don’t. We read it together as I assign it, a few chapters a week, so the book and the work stay in step. If you have already read the book, that is okay.  It will land differently when we add a horse to the conversation.

If you were with us for Track One

Welcome back. Every question, every exercise, and every conversation in this track is new. Nothing repeats. You will recognize the rhythm of a Sunday and you will know the horses by name, and that is the only part that will feel familiar.

What you will notice is that this book asks a harder question. Burnout explained why you were so tired. This one asks what you are going to do about the people and the patterns that keep making you tired, and that is a different kind of Sunday.

If this is your first track

You are in exactly the right place and you have not missed anything. This track stands entirely on its own. There is no prerequisite, nothing to catch up on, and no inside language you will not understand. A good part of this circle will be new.

The details

Sunflower Ranch

16604 County Road 11 SE, Big Lake, MN
Emergency contact: Shawn Paul 612-429-1186

Six Sundays

Twelve women

That is the whole herd. When the twelve seats are gone, they are gone. I will have a waiting list for the next time I offer Track Two.

What to bring

• Closed toe boots
• Layers. October in Minnesota does what it wants.
• Yourself

Water and light snacks are on me.

Facilitated by

Shawn Marie Paul, founder of Wild Grace and creator of The Quiet Fracture.

This is for you if

• You are the one people come to. 
• You are everybody’s safe place, and lately you have started to wonder who yours is.
• You say yes and then resent it. 
• You rehearse the hard conversation in the shower and then do not have it. 
• You have been hoping that if you drop enough hints, someone will finally guess where your line is, so you do not have to be the one who says it out loud.

This is not therapy and it is not a fix. It is six Sundays, a very honest book, a circle of women who know exactly what you mean, and a herd of horses who will not take a hint. This is how you start holding the line.

Your facilitator

I am Shawn Marie Paul. I founded Wild Grace and I named the thing I kept seeing in high-capacity women, and in myself, the Quiet Fracture. I am a trauma-informed, certified women-centered master life & leadership coach with over 20 years in trauma advocacy. I am EAL certified and I run this work from Sunflower Ranch in Big Lake, Minnesota, alongside a herd who have taught me more than any training ever did. I am not a therapist and this is not therapy. However, interacting with the horses is very therapeutic.

As many of you have experienced, I found myself over-giving and overriding my needs and wants until I didn't recognize myself anymore. I wasn't living the life I created. I was physically in the room but mentally checked out.

One day I looked around and said, "I need to go home" and I meant it literally and figuratively. I spent the next two years sitting and processing with my horses. Cass was the first to meet me and he helped pull me back into my body. You will understand what this means, trust me. Then Brady took it from there.

As my heart horse, he taught me how to get out of my head and into my heart and body. He taught me what it means to be present and while I lost him in October, he was the guiding force behind Wild Grace. He is with us in this work and rejoices when he sees our center reignite. Again, you will understand.

I miss him tremendously, and it is hard to do this work without him, but I keep going because this was his gift to me and he expects me to share it with the world. Welcome to our little slice of heaven.

The invitation

Twelve seats. Six Sundays. One herd.

You already know where your lines are. You have known for a long time. The work is in saying so, and you do not have to do that part alone. Once the spaces are filled, the waiting list is the next stop. Reserve your spot today.

Questions

Do I need to have done Track One?

No. This track stands on its own and you will not be behind. Plenty of women in the circle will be new.

Do I need experience with horses?

No. None. All of the work is on the ground, and you will be shown everything you need.

What if I am afraid of horses?

My horses meet you where you are and so do I. You have autonomy here. You have support here. You can do this and we will help you work through the fear on a level that you can handle.

Do I have to read the book first?

No. Please don’t. We read it at the same time, a few chapters a week, so the reading and the work stay in step. If you have read the book before, that is ok. The experiential aspect will take it to another level.

What if I have never done anything like this?

Then you are in exactly the right place. Most of the women in the circle are in the same boat, and the horses do not care how new you are.

Is this therapy?

No. It is a book club with horses to show us the deeper meaning of what we read, led with care. It is not a substitute for mental health treatment, and if something surfaces that calls for more support, I will help you find it. With that said, I am trauma-aware and certified as a Master Coach with over 15 years' experience in crisis advocacy, so I can handle what may come up but will not try to be your therapist.

What if I miss a week?

Life happens, and one missed Sunday will not undo the work. Read that week’s chapters on your own and come back the following week. You will pick the thread right back up, and I will catch you up on anything you need before we begin. Because the seats are limited and each afternoon is built for the specific women in the circle, sessions are not refundable and cannot be rescheduled, but your place is always held for the Sundays that remain.

You will be getting an email with the required paperwork. Please watch for this and complete it before October 1st. You won't be able to participate without it completed.